Bite Size Candy
by SmittyChittyBangBang
Summary: A series of short stories based on Willy Wonka and his amazing chocolate factory. They're all quite short! This Chapter: Pirates of the Cocoabean.
1. Guest

This is just a collection of humorous little one shots based on whatever is going through my head. To anyone reading this who is reading "Jack to the Future" I'm sorry! I'll update it soon, but in the meantime, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I own very few things. A chocolate factory is not one of them.

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He snuck in early in the morning, right after the last of the procession of the red trucks, but before the large iron gates snapped shut. He didn't care about consequences of being found in the courtyard. He caused such a commotion that far up above him, he managed to awaken the proprietor of the remarkable factory whose courtyard he was now trapped in. After rolling over, sandwiching his head between the pillows, and several other attempts to lessen the noise, Mr. Willy Wonka decided that he would find out for himself what was keeping him from enjoying a peaceful morning of sleeping in. 

Willy crept over to the nearest window and peered down to the clearing below, but couldn't see a thing from his vantage point. He furrowed his brows, and then with a nod of conviction, he shoved on some slippers and threw on a resplendent golden robe. He flung open the door with a flourish and stomped out of the room.

As he strode down the hallway to the door, Willy figured he could have just sent an Oompa Loompa to see what all the commotion was about, but unlike himself, they were early risers and would already be hard at work, and he did hate to disrupt them from the very important tasks of candy making just to check out a noise. Besides, he wanted to see what had disturbed a most brilliant dream about fruit-flavored candy ballon animals for himself

Willy finally made it to the door. His previous plan of flinging it open and directly confronting the trespasser in person seemed just a wee bit reckless now that he was inches from the door. With a deep breath, he instead cracked the door open just enough to see who the perpetrator was. All he managed to see before he was knocked to the ground was a blur of brown.

The Oompa Loompas in the chocolate room were already hard at work pruning the candy apple trees and weeding the mint grass when they heard the blood-curtling scream. They immediately dropped everything and ran to the source of the scream which they knew to be that of their employer.

When they found him he was still screaming, appearing not even to stop to take a breath. His hands were up to his face in a vain attempt to try to protect it. He twisted and writhed on the floor to try to get away from his attacker. The Oompa Loompas stared at the scene a moment before simultaneously erupting into a fit of giggles. Willy's attacker was in the process of slobbering all over his face. His tail wagged wildly as he attempted to lick every inch of exposed skin that wasn't covered in saliva already.

After enjoying the spectacle for a few minutes, the Oompa Loompas decided it would be a good idea to pry Mr. Wonka's new friend off him so he could breathe. One of the Oompa Loompas lured him away with a candy apple he had brought with him after his dash to help Mr. Wonka. Willy had just enough time to fix the Oompa Loompas with an icy stare and simply murmur, "Dog" before passing out.

After a particularly long and thorough bath, a very disgruntled Willy Wonka strode out of his bedroom to find that he had not been the only one to have done so. The washed, scrubbed and dried dog , courtesy of the Oompa Loompas, sat in the middle of his room, eyes bright and pink tongue hanging happily out of his mouth. Willy stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled, grimacing, but the dog made no attempt to tackle him again.

Willy and the dog eyed each other for a few moments. Willy was surprised to find that even after his little bath, the dog was still brown. Willy made a mental note to construct an elaborate plan to get back at those gosh darn Oompa Loompas, and turned on his heel to leave the room to see just how dirty the front hall was. He heard the sound of clicking toenails behind him, and spun to see the dog sitting just a few feet behind him. Willy narrowed his eyes. The dog closed his mouth, perked his ears, and cocked his head at the candy maker. Willy turned again and continued walking, only to hear the sound of toenails clicking against the floor...

The turning and sitting continued all the way down to Willy's detour to his private library. He scanned the spines with narrowed eyes looking for a book he recalled from his childhood. His eyes finally came to rest on the spine of a thin green book with the title, Dog Breeds of the World in gold letters across its spine. He grabbed the book and cracked it open on a nearby desk scanning the pages and occasionally glancing down at the smiling face looking back up at him for a reference. His eyes finally rested on a picture that was a spitting image of the dog sitting at his feet. He scanned up to the name of the breed.

The Oompa Loompas were checking to see if the dog had already slobbered all over Mr. Wonka again when they first heard the giggling. They followed it as it got louder and louder until they reached the library. They opened the door just in time to find Willy Wonka collapse on the floor in a fit of giggles, the dog standing next to him wagging his tail. The Oompa Loompas made their way to the desk and one of them leaped up on the chair to see what Willy had been looking at. The book showed a picture of a large brown dog. Above the picture was the name of the breed: Chocolate Lab.

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Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review when you go, please do! 


	2. Charades

"'Kay, three words. First word." Willy Wonka straightened up a bit in anticipation as the game began. He was presently sitting cross-legged in the middle of the mint grass meadow surrounded by a semi-circle of Oompa Loompas, playing one of their very favorite games: Charades.

One Oompa Loompa stood across from Willy and the rest of the Oompa Loompas. After he finished indicating that it was a phrase and three words, he enthusiastically began acting out the first word. He started vigorously pointing to his right eye.

"Oh oh I!" Willy shouted. The Oompa Loompa nodded and Willy grinned broadly. "Second word!"

The Oompa Loompa seemed to think a moment before shaping his fingers into the shape of a heart and placing them in front of his chest.

"Hmm heart, heartbeat...oh! Love!" Willy's grin grew even wider as the Oompa Loompa nodded and indicated that he was about to act out the third word.

"Alright. Sounds like..." Willy watched as the Oompa Loompa got down on his knees and clasped his hands together in front of him. "Hmm pleading, praying...none of those, huh? Gee, this ones hard!" Willy's face screwed up in concentration as the Oompa Loompa poured on the theatrics, his eyes wide and shining.

"Begging for mercy?" Willy asked hesitantly. The Oompa Loompa suddenly smiled and nodded.

"Mercy?" Ok, sounds like mercy. Let's see cercy, nercy, percy, hercy..." Noticing the Oompa Loompa's reaction to the last word, Willy paused, his face screwing up in concentration "Hercy? Oh HERSHEY!" Realizing he had just guessed the last word, he quickly put all three together.

"I Love Hershey's! " Willy Wonka shouted, flinging his arms up in the air. His triumphant grin was suddenly interrupted by an explosion of high pitched giggles.

"Wait a- HEY!"

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Thanks for reading. Reviews greatly appreciated! 


	3. Pirates of the CocoaBean

This is the first story to include Charlie, but he'll probabaly turn up again depending on what the subject of the story is.

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The day dawned crisp and clear, and the morning's rays filtered through the high windows of the Chocolate Room, illuminating the valley of mint grass below. Two figures stood on the banks of the chocolate river that wound it's way through the room, waiting patiently for their transportation to arrive. 

Charlie was particularly excited today, because they were heading to one of his very favorite rooms, the Inventing Room. He and Willy had spent the entire week brainstorming on new ideas for candies, and today they would finally begin to test them out. They waited as usual for the huge pink ship to slowly emerge from around the corner, but if there was one thing Charlie learned while in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, it was that things rarely happened "as usual."

They heard a commotion a short distance away that grew louder and louder as the boat grew ever closer. When it finally came around the corner into view, Charlie saw just what all the noise had been about. Instead of the ship gliding towards them with the dozens of Oompa Loompas manning the oars in an organized fashion, the ship was in complete disarray. It appeared that the red-suited Oompa Loompas who tended the Chocolate Room had ambushed the blue-clad rower Oompa Loompas, and the two groups were engaged it a battle reminiscent of something right out of the 17th century Spanish Main.

Charlie watched all this in absolute shock for a few moments before looking up at the face of the chocolatier to gauge his reaction. To his surprise, Willy Wonka looked perfectly serene, as if nothing was happening. He looked over the scene with the same placid smile on his face that he usually wore, although Charlie thought he caught a twinkle in his eye, perhaps at seeing his beloved workers having such a rousing good time.

Wonka finally looked down at Charlie and said simply, "My money's on the red ones."

Charlie looked up at him in confusion. "What?"

"I betcha two Everlasting Gobstoppers, a sugar-coated pencil, and a strawberry-juice water pistol that the red ones win. See, the blue ones are organized, but the red ones had the element of surprise. They're awfully scrappy. I think they can take 'em!" he finished with a grin, looking over the fight that was slowly approaching them on the chocolate river's current.

Charlie looked back at the Oompa Loompas, several of whom had grabbed the passing pink candy cane reeds, and were currently fencing with them.

"You mean this has happened before?"

"Oh, this is nothing! You should have seen the _last _time I mixed up their regular wages with coffee beans!"

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Thanks to everyone who's reading, and please leave a review if you'd like to see more. One-hundred sixty-three hits and only 7 reviews can be a bit worrying, so please let me know if you're enjoying it! 


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